My Inner Child

Inside this adult body of mine lives a little girl.  She’s about 8 years old and cute as a button.  She has a gap tooth smile and pig tales.  She’s spunky, spontaneous and stubborn.  She loves to laugh and live free.  She’s a brave girl, but sometimes she comes up against things in life that are scary.  Sometimes Little Joy encounters a situation or a person that makes her want to run and hide under the covers.  She doesn’t want to have to face those things by herself.  After all, she’s just little.  She doesn’t always know the right things to say or do, and she’s afraid that if she says the wrong thing or acts the wrong way, that she might get in trouble or get sent away.  For a long time, I neglected this little girl living inside of me.  Sometimes I said terrible things to her.  Things like, “How could you be so stupid? When are you gonna get it right?  Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”  Sometimes I just outright ignored her.  I mean,  I was a grown woman.  I didn’t need that little girl hanging around anymore.  I thought I had moved on from the past hurts that she still carried around with her.  Sometimes I just couldn’t be bothered with her.

One day I stopped and started to really pay attention to Little Joy.  I sat down on the couch and invited her to come and sit next to me.  I gave her my undivided attention and I listened to her as she told me about our childhood from her perspective.  I sat with her and held her hand as she told me what frightened her and what made her happy.  She shared with me her good memories and her scary ones.  I laughed and cried with her and held her close.  I apologized for ignoring her and for the harsh words that I had spoken to her.  I reassured her that she wasn’t alone anymore, and that when she came upon a scary situation, that I would be there to hold her hand and help her face it.

Sometimes, in the face of one of those scary moments,  our conversation sounds like this:

Little Joy: “Do we have to do this?”

Me:  “Yes, Little One.  But you don’t have to do it alone.  I will be right here with you.  I’m not going anywhere”

Little Joy: “But I don’t want to.  I’m scared.  I don’t want to get in trouble or have people be angry with me.”

Me: “I know you’re scared.  I’m scared too.  But we are in this together, and I will be here to hold your hand no matter what happens.  No matter the outcome, we will be alright.”

Inside this adult body of mine is a precious little girl.  She is brave, strong  and daring.  I am learning to give Little Joy grace and compassion instead of anger and condemnation.  And she is learning to trust that I am here for her no matter what.  I look at that beautiful girl and I am so thankful that she is still with me.  I will not abandon her or make her face the world alone.  There is nothing she has ever done that would make me love her less.  She’s not perfect, but she is worthy of love.  I will not leave her cowering under the covers.  I am and will be her biggest ally.

Holding Hands

I Will Be There

by Odessa

If you ever need someone to cry to
If you ever need someone to hold you

I will be there
Standing by your side
I will be there
Standing by your side

If you ever need someone
To just love you
If you ever need someone
To simply adore you

I will be there
Standing by your side
I will be there
Standing by your side

And From the mountains to the sea
In the city
From the valleys to the moon
In every country

I will be there
Standing beside you
I will be there
Standing by your side

I will be there

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